"You can't take criticism and feedback from people who are not being brave with their lives."
When I first heard Brene Brown speak these words, they hit me to my core. One of those moments where you sit there and think nothing more than "Wow."
Like so many other women (and men too!), I grappled with a self-worth wound much of my life. A wound that controlled me in so many ways and often, even with all the work I did, it would get triggered pretty easily.
One of my biggest triggers was when I would receive criticism, judgment, and negative feedback from other people. The kind that is meant to do nothing more than hurt you, dim you, and make you feel like you're not good enough. Learning how to drop that shit like a hot potato was a challenging task and it required an insane amount of awareness, support, and self-love.
This quote from Brene, and the context in which she's speaking in The Call to Courage, helped me to realize something. Those people who criticize you, judge you, and pass negativity on you with no intent other than to hurt you, bring you down, and elevate themselves...those people are not the ones being brave, doing the work, and facing their shit.
They're sitting on the sidelines, in the cheap seats, where it feels safe, and really, their opinions aren't worth the air they float on. When we say we don't or shouldn't care what people think, these are the exact situations where that comes into play.
Because the people who truly love and support us, we actually care a lot about what they think. The difference, though, is that they encourage us, lift us up, give us an ear and a hand, and they provide us with loving constructive feedback and reflections that help keep us on track and continue to be the best version of ourselves that we can be in any given moment.
So the next time someone's words feel hurtful and you feel cut down, ask yourself, "Is this person being brave in their own life, down in the trenches with me doing their work?" If the answer is no, tell yourself, "This isn't mine," let that shit fall away with love, and turn to the people who are on the field with you. The ones being your cheerleaders, supporters, teammates, and sacred mirrors. Those are your people.
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