This isn’t your typical body transformation post that tends to flood media feeds. There’s nothing wrong with those posts, not at all, but the bombardment of them and the permeation of ‘how to look pretty and feel good’ in our culture is a little excessive. Maybe to say the least.
This is a vulnerable share for me. But it feels necessary. I witness so many of my sisters going through this experience and it’s so important to know we’re not alone, and to keep things authentic and real.
The reality is that we’re exposed to a non-stop feed depicting the perfect feminine form, in what I refer to as the playboy-porn star paradigm that is leeching through all of our culture more than anyone cares to admit.
And it’s actual nonsense.
The perfect feminine form is the one that you are in. Right now. Fact.
We have a world full of women who are constantly at war with themselves trying to attain beauty standards looking through lenses that aren’t even their own.
It actually astonishes me that in 2024, women are bombarded probably more than ever with body shame and guilt over how they look. That we need to look good in order to feel good and have worth. It’s perpetuated on every level, right from the conscious and calculated to the subconscious and blind. Just eat like this, exercise like that, wear makeup like this, get that botox or filler, buy this bra to make your tits bigger, wear these leggings to make your ass juicier.
And I mean, if that’s your thing, in your heart of hearts, truly your thing, then fill your boots. Because it is 2024 and women can do whatever the fuck that they want. But if we’re not willing to get still and honest with ourselves, look inward, and take a deep dive into our shadows and examine what drives our belief systems and programs in the first place, I think we’re kind of missing the point.
The photo on the left was me only three years ago. The photo on the right is me today. My initial reaction to seeing that three-year old photo in my memories this morning was one of anger and frustration. I instantly felt myself sucked in.
My mind started spewing a bullshit narrative around “what happened” and “if only”. If I only I could go back. And that’s when I heard it. “Really Danette? Maybe dig a little deeper.”
In superficial appearance, it would be easy to think I was healthier on the left. And back then, I had myself convinced that I was doing great, because I looked great. Because I was seeking external validation and was so outside of myself, I couldn’t even begin to see what was inside.
The truth? I’m 10x healthier today, in every way, than I was back then.
Those three years ago feel like literal lifetimes ago. I had good people and good things in my life, but I was a mess. I had a lot of people in my life who were not good for me, and I was making my way out of a chaotic shitstorm of a situation with a man who I had no business being involved with in the first place. I was binge drinking on the regular, smoking pot, and generally not caring for myself. Definitely not loving myself.
Fast forward to today, my lifestyle, diet, and exercise choices and habits are the healthiest they’ve ever been in my adult life. I’m more in my body and attuned to it than ever, and I love and care for myself in ways that I couldn’t even see before.
And yet, I feel so out of control in my own body. I’m hearing this from so many women in my circles, coming through their 40s and being completely ripped to shreds by perimenopause. I myself constantly walk this line of surrender and acceptance next to anger and frustration. My efforts have never felt so futile. Some days are easier than others. Some days feel impossible. And none of it means I’m going to stop or give up.
It’s a growth lesson in being able to love and care for ourselves no matter what. A growth lesson in being able to see beyond the superficial despite it being in our faces every single day. A growth lesson in how to truly care for ourselves and give ourselves what we need.
What I know and remind myself, and any of you on this path, is that life is full of phases and stages. Nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass. And if we make the commitment and stick with ourselves, we will come out stronger and better than ever. However that chooses to show up in the physical.
Because this world needs way more loud, badass middle-aged women willing to defy stereotypes and break paradigms and constructs.
So whether you’re looking in the mirror thinking you’re too skinny, too fat, too bony, too lumpy, too short, too tall…
You’re not any of these things.
You are perfect and you are beautiful. You are beautiful today, and beautiful tomorrow, beautiful 10 years ago and beautiful 10 years from now.
No matter how you show up in this world in physical form, the only thing that truly matters is what’s on the inside. And you and only you get to decide that.
Our minds, hearts, and spirits will always shine out into the world, and that’s 1000x more important than how our bodies look. 100% of the time.
Comments